As women, we learn to trust our gut early. It tells us when something is off​ before we can put our finger on what it is. And it becomes something we hone to feel safe… because so much of the world is not safe for us...

It’s the voice that urges us to cross the street to avoid shadowy figures approaching. It’s that feeling you’ve known someone forever, after just one meeting. When you land in a place you’ve never been before, and feel somehow as if you belong. If I lost you a few lines ago, shits about to get way to woo-woo for you. 

All of these things have happened to me. 

Glennon Doyle, one of my favourite modern-day philosophers talks about The Knowing in her book Untamed. This really resonated with me, as I read it on the precipice of a huge decision that I was making not just for me, but the husband and three kids who are forced to go along with whatever I decide. In her words: “I have learned that if I want to rise, I have to sink first. I have to search for and depend upon the voice of inner wisdom instead of voices of outer approval. This saves me from living someone else’s life. It also saves me a hell of a lot of time and energy. I just do the next thing the Knowing guides me toward, one thing at a time. I don’t ask permission first, which is just such a grown-up way to live. This is the most revolutionary thing a woman can do: the next precise thing, one thing at a time, without asking permission or offering explanation.”

Many years ago, I decided to always figure out what I think the answer to a problem might be, before asking anyone for help. In some ways, I think I did this because it suits my decision-making, which is quick and private. My sister is more decision-by-committee. She mulls over different points-of-view and takes on other people’s opinions while she crafts her own. And my husband, well, he’s a deliberator. He can do it alone or in congress, but he takes his sweet time, walking slowly and methodically towards his conclusion. Oh how I have envied him this process over the years… and wanted to rip his head off for it too. 

But back to the gut. And feelings. A few years ago, when I was making that very big decision, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to move our family across the world. And the way I knew this was deep inside me. Being flexible and able to pivot easily is something I’ve always prided myself on, and I have long believed that part of what makes me able to be happy anywhere is that I don’t hang onto anything too tightly. True, this might be a form of coping from my sometimes rocky childhood,  but it’s how I function. And for the first time, I was immovable. My heels dug in. And I became a steam roller, refusing to back down. My husband didn’t understand how I could feel so sure. I certainly did not have a crystal ball. There a million reasons why it might not be right for us. 

All I could say to him: “I just know it’s the right thing to do.”

Our gut is called our “second brain” by experts for a reason. It’s the reason we get butterflies in our tummy - our gut, quite literally, is reacting to something happening in front of us. Our gut has more neurons (information messengers) in its lining than we have in our brain. And serotonin, the feel good chemical, is made in the gut.  Researchers believe our brain picks up on subconscious cues from the environment and also internally, from our intuition (which, they now increasingly believe, literally rises from our gut). 

But as we continue to dwell in a more risk-averse world and work in data-driven businesses, is there still room for us to make decision from this place deep within? 

There have always been detractors. In my research, I stumbled across a Harvard Business review article titled “Don’t Trust Your Gut”, where author Gary Klein writes: “The trust in intuition is understandable… but it’s also dangerous. Intuition has its place in decision-making— but… detached from rigorous analysis, intuition is a fickle and undependable guide… it is as likely to lead to disaster as to success.” 

Ordinarily I would just write him off, but then I know that feelings can be mistaken for intuition, and they change quickly. I know that fear can masquerade as intuition, tricking us into feeling something is not safe… when really, it is just unknown. I know that our inner-voice that protects us from embarrassment and shame can also feel like our gut pulling us one way or another. When really, it is our imposter syndrome masked as instinct.

So how do we put it all together, and use these more primal feelings without letting them lead us astray? Trust, but confirm. Use your inner compass, but then let your higher-order thinking ruminate on it as well. For me, I always listen to my gut, but then I make myself take pause. This is a new habit for me, but I think it’s a good one. It allows me to weed out intuition from those other more nefarious feelings, and make choices that are guided by my gut, but also grounded in other things I know to be true.