What happens once you resign from a job? What do you want your notice period look like in a company you are leaving? Brooke Le Poer Trench explores what happens when you resign from a job, and how to make a grand exit.

I had a strange thought the other day: I’ve never left a job I didn’t like. That is to say, every time I’ve resigned it’s been from jobs I enjoy. With teams I have liked. And the work, for the most part, was good too. I’ve resigned for different reasons—an international move, head-hunted for a more senior role, more money. 

In some ways, leaving a role you love makes it more fraught and, weirdly, hurtful. When you have a manager who really likes you, it’s usually because you make their job easier by doing good work (sure, they like your personality too). So when you resign, it might be the first time you’ve created a problem for them. And when you do, you see a whole different side of them. They might pull back from you a bit. They’re probably annoyed by the inconvenience of it all. All the lovely things they said to keep you motivated melt away. And it’s disappointing.  

Then comes jealousy about the person who gets your job. It usually starts when you have to write your job description for the ad. It builds as hopeful candidates come in and out for interviews. And it peaks when you see your manager get excited about someone new joining the business. The person who will sit in your chair, take over your projects, and buddy up with your work buddies. It’s hard not to feel territorial. And even though your work friends might promise they won’t feel the same way about the new person, deep down you know that isn’t true. This is a funk you just need to feel your way through. 

In reality, of course you knew this would happen. When you resign, of course your business will fill the role. Trust me, it feels far worse when they don’t. 

So then the question is, what to do with all this weird, sad energy about a set of circumstances you set in motion. How do you prevent yourself from moping around? Self-coaching helps: talk to yourself as if you were supporting a friend through the same thing: “Brooke, you are moving onto a job you’re excited about. If the person taking your job is impressive, that’s only a reflection of how great you have been in the role. Also, endings are always awkward.” 

The issue is that while we’ve all heard the saying “everyone is replaceable,” there’s nothing quite like watching it happen with your own job. 

The other thing that helps is to focus on tying up loose ends, and doing whatever you can to help your replacement hit the ground running. Write handover notes, offer to train them, make important introductions, wrap up projects. Being generous in this moment, and knowing that your team won’t hit any bumps in the road because you’re leaving, helps with the guilt of going. It gives you a positive focus. And it lets you rest-assured that no-one will be able to critique your work once you’re gone. 

Finally, get your story straight. A lot of places I’ve worked have a culture of loyalty. They are sort of like cults where you are expected to stay for the love of the job. And when you leave, it can send a ripple through the team. Everyone will want to know why you’re leaving—and this is where it’s important to have your own narrative straight. And stick to it with everyone you speak to. I would often find towards the end of a role, to assist me with breaking ties, I would start to focus on all the things I didn’t like about the job. These were things I happily tolerated before, but now formed a “reasons I am so happy to be going” list. Don’t start sharing, Instead, give a solid, career-focused answer. More money, greater responsibility, better brand, inspiring leadership, possibility for travel. In the words of Michelle Obama, go high. 

And finally, give yourself a break. Leaving somewhere is hard. It’s a break-up of sorts. So you need to let yourself off the hook when feelings come up. We give a lot to our workplaces. We spend more time with our colleagues than our families. So of course it involves all the feelings. Here’s the good news: in my experience, all that tension and doubt and weird sadness only lasts for the notice period. On your last day, when you walk out of those doors for the last time, it melts away. And it is replaced with the feelings of anticipation and excitement and hope that a new job can bring.