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Communicating Clear Boundaries At Work
Do you have clear boundaries? Are you able to bring these into your workplace? Or would you like a little help with clarifying and strengthening how these can support you professionally?
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are one of the most vital tools that we have as a grown-up, responsible and aware human being. They act as a gateway between ourselves, other people and the world, and they are in absolute service to who we are. As we learn to value our own worth, time, space, and energy, we cultivate and strengthen our boundaries in order to support us.
A world without boundaries can be a pretty exhausting and frustrating place, whereby we may experience burnout, overwhelm, adrenal fatigue, and eventually mental, physical and emotional disease.
Most of us are not aware of our boundaries, or even what they are, what they look like, what they feel like, and how they work. We can move through our lives constantly violating our own boundaries and those of others, and then wondering why we can end up feeling used, taken advantage of, and angry. Boundaries can help us to be the best that we can, and they are important, not just with regards to our home, family and friendships - they’re also essential at work, too.
Cultivating and crafting healthy boundaries creates a freedom to show up for our career in a way that is respectful to ourselves, as well as the work we are doing. People that have strong and clear boundaries also seem to effortlessly demand respect, and have a sense of self-authority and agency about them which is very attractive. Boundaries are a part of, and are an essential ingredient, in learning clear communication.
Why Are Boundaries Important In The Workplace?
No one likes to be taken advantage of in the workplace, and to be seen as the person who will do anything for anyone, no matter the cost. Who will betray themselves and their own values in order to please others, or cross a line of appropriateness as far as over-sharing is concerned.
In a way, clear and healthy boundaries invite clear and healthy trust. And trust is the absolute foundation for any relationship to flourish, whether colleagues, co-workers or bosses. With greater trust may come greater responsibilities, and if our boundaries are strong, then we will rise to the challenge with a sense of integrity and purpose. This can only be a good thing if we are seeking to progress our careers!
The Value Of ‘No!’
One of the ways that we can know immediately if we have an issue with our boundaries, or that they are not healthy, is if we have an inability to say ‘no’. We say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’. We say ‘yes’ with resentment and a kind of passive aggression that can be felt. We grumble and moan and complain about unfair behaviour, and about what we have to put up with. We take on things that we either do not want to be doing, or are not fully able to do.
We avoid saying ‘no’ because we are scared. Scared of the risk, of not being liked, of pissing someone off, of being told off, of being seen as unpopular, or as someone who rocks the boat.
We keep saying ‘yes’ to keep the peace, to fit in, to be invisible and therefore ‘safe’, and because we think that’s what others want from us. This is a lie. Others want for us to be honest and authentic, and if this means being able to say ‘no’, then so be it.
Is it scary to do? Absolutely, at first. Maybe your voice will shake, your palms will become sweaty, or your knees will wobble. But you will feel empowered, alive and in total truth of who you are. People that can say ‘no’ and be reasonable and clear with their reasons why, are often more respected and trusted. However, you don’t even need to explain yourself. A clear ‘no’ can easily lose its potency and respect when a ton of excuses and apologies pour out after it!
In order to climb steadily and purposefully up the career ladder of your chosen profession, you will need to learn the power of your ‘no’. You will need to dare to risk the consequences, have some challenging conversations, face conflict wisely, and get behind your own convictions and responses. This is all part of becoming a person with strong worth and self respect. Both vital for accelerating your career!
Also, if we never say ‘no’, then our ‘yes’ becomes less effective. Strangely, the more we practice saying ‘no’, the stronger and clearer and more honest our ‘yeses’ become. And this feels good. Both to yourself and to those around you. People will want your opinion knowing that you will be truthful. This holds a lot of kudos and grows our worth exponentially. Finally, it feels really good to own our ‘no’!
Can you celebrate your ‘no’? Can you practice saying it out loud? What does it feel like?
How do we know if our boundaries have been violated, are weak, or we are not honouring them?
When someone ignores what we are saying, or goes against our choices or decisions, or doesn’t listen to our voice at all, then this is a violation of our boundaries. It is akin to bullying and abuse. It is rude and quite nasty. And this can make us feel very small, and have an impact on our self-esteem. We know if we have violated our own boundaries because we can feel it. We may feel off or not quite right. Our voice can become less clear and deep, our eyes might turn downwards, or we may feel embarrassed and powerless. Often this can be accompanied by irrational bouts of frustration or rage, often misdirected, at the kettle, the slow traffic, your partner (bless them!). When we are not honouring our boundaries we can become overwhelmed. We might find we are exhausted no matter how much sleep we are getting, feel depleted, and may be bound to bouts of tears for no reason that we can tell. Anger, and its bedfellows, shame and blame, can often arise if our boundaries are being ignored.
Boundaries And Self-Care In The Workplace
What we put up with will be what we get. If we are the one that always says yes to our boss for every piece of work or request that is offered our way, despite the fact that we can feel overwhelm and frustration present, then we will continue to be given this extra work and further requests until something comes to a head.
Having clear boundaries in a work context means that you can communicate your ‘no’ and therefore your ‘yes’. You set the parameters for how you are seen, listened to, and treated, and what behaviour you are allowing and which you are clearly not. If others respond to your needs then that’s wonderful. But if not, and we don’t always get what we ask for or need, then we can negotiate. We can find a way to meet in the middle, or at least in a place where you still feel respected and your boundaries are honoured. This makes for a more productive and competent working environment. It means taking responsibility and accountability and stepping up to the mark. It defines who you are and what you value. It makes you a strong and trustworthy woman in the workplace.
Boundaries are connected with our needs. How to know them. How to express and communicate them. How to keep on listening in and honouring them as best as we can. We will mess up, make mistakes, override them and so on. We are beautifully human, and we are learning. But each time we stumble we can get back on the boundary train and learn again. Each time that we do that, we become stronger in ourselves. This not only serves us but also serves the working environment, company or business that we are engaged in. This creates results that are sustaining, and makes you come across as a person who knows themselves and what they believe in. This makes you believable. And this makes you very attractive to future roles.
How To Practice Boundary Setting And Strengthening
Boundaries are not about being a bitch. They are not about becoming rigid, fixed or controlling. True clear boundaries are flexible and soft. They let some in closer and keep others at arm's length, so to speak, in a firm, fierce but caring way. Again, be kind and gentle to yourself as you learn to know and cultivate your healthy boundaries. The only way we learn what they are and how best they serve us and those around us, is by trying them out. It’s OK to be clumsy - we are all learning. No one is perfect. And thankfully, no one will ever be so!
A final note
As you are learning about your own boundaries, make sure that you become interested in those of others. Listen to others more. Respect another’s boundaries. Begin to enjoy having conversations whereby negotiating and resolving differences of opinions are to be worked through, instead of doing all that you can to get through these meetings, usually by saying yes and negating yourself! As you start to learn to respect and honour others’ boundaries as well as your own, you will find that this will have such an impact on your ability to progress in your career, and be seen as a woman of respect and trust. Sounds good, hey? Good luck, and remember to be patient and gentle with yourself.
If this article resonates and you are currently considering how best to accelerate your career, increase your confidence and discover what it means to you to lead at work. Then why not join our online live programme, AllBright’s 12-week Career Accelerator, running for the second time this July.
Start date: 4 July.