Two former editors-in-chief, Lorraine Candy (picture above left) previously of ELLE, Cosmopolitan and The Sunday Times Style, and Trish Halpin (picture above right) of Marie Claire, InStyle and Red fame are AllBright’s new Power Years editors.
Both highly experienced journalists and communicators across print, digital and podcasting, Trish and Lorraine are founders and co-hosts of chart-topping, Postcards from Midlife, which they launched together in 2020 and continues to change the narrative of what it means to be a midlife woman today.
Whenever we gather a group of women over 40, from any kind of background together and then ask each one to reveal a fact about themselves that no one knows, every midlife woman will share an extraordinarily impressive experience, the presenters tell AllBright. Without fail, these stories prove that as women age, they begin to realise the value of the skills they have accrued and then they powerfully put them to use.
Finding, accessing and harnessing this wonderous resolve, is the essence of not just Trish and Lorraine’s new editorial column, but AllBright’s entire Power Years campaign.
In this, their introductory article, the pair divulge their own midlife stories, and each share 5 pieces of advice they have learnt along the way.
LORRAINE CANDY
When I hit midlife I unraveled; my perimenopause was mentally and physically catastrophic and it derailed me, making me feel a gigantic failure. And like 87% of women in midlife I suddenly felt invisible. But as I put myself back together I began to understand that I had not failed, I learnt that my roles as a leader at work, a mother of four, a daughter, wife, sister and a supportive friend were extremely valuable. Everything I had experienced as I aged, good and bad, amounted to a toolkit I could put to good use. I began to wake up to the fact things I took for granted, like running a household, wrangling teenagers, looking after elderly parents alongside managing a full-time job made me useful and smarter every day. I found my voice and put it to use.
I am 57 now and looking back on midlife I can see it was the catalyst for me to back myself.
I had been working since the age of 16 when I left home and school in Cornwall to become a journalist, and yet for much of my 30-year career I felt I had bent around what others needed and expected. Also I would often attribute my success to’ luck’, or being in the ‘right place at the right time’ as I told people, my earning power was down to the particular industry I worked in I would explain self-consciously, my awards were down to it ‘being my turn’: but in midlife I realised I had played an important part in my success, that actually I had worked hard and I was good at what I did; this realisation fueled me with confidence and joy and ultimately enabled me to go down a different career path more suited to the new midlife me. I was suddenly proud of myself and that gave me power and purpose.
I have learnt so much in these wiser years which may be helpful to share here:
1. Ask ‘what’s my role in this?’ when you hit a bump in the road.
Often we delegate our responsibility for challenges to other elements or other people but sometimes we may have caused the problem or at least exacerbated it. If you stop taking things personally and step back to examine your part in any given situation you often see the path out of it. Or it causes less trouble for you, and you don’t make the same mistake again.
2. Don’t compare yourself to others.
I have never been worried about what people think of me because it is statistically impossible for everyone to like you and you usually cannot affect or change other people’s actions or opinions so focus on what you can do well and just get on with it. Keep the focus on your goal, not what others have achieved or what their plans are. We can easily get derailed by others' success as we age, may be feel we should have done certain things by certain milestones but that’s not true, it’s a distraction from enjoying your own life.
3. Understand that the only constant in life is change.
The big stuff happens in midlife: death, divorce, financial worries, health issues. We cannot plan for this so just accepting it IS coming for you at some point hopefully means the surprise of all this change won’t bring the house down as it were. Living losses happen too: your kids will leave home, friendships and long term relationships will change. Make peace with this. And change as much as you can in your routine to make sure you look after yourself; stop doing what doesn’t work for you, develop some kinder, caring rituals that may feel self-indulgent but come under the ‘put your own oxygen mask on first’ banner.
4. Ask for help purposefully and give it in return.
In my experience Gen X women find this difficult – they are the endurance generation; they soldier on even if it makes them ill or ruins their chances of a new start. But by midlife you will have a network of skilled, loving women who will want to support you – if you ask them. Make a list of those women and ring them now, be specific about what you need and what you may be able to do in return.
5. Write it down.
If you want to do something new, something different or to change something in your life then write it down. This is a neurologically helpful tool – it tilts you in the direction of where you want to go. It is Step One. Then gradually, maybe daily, write down what must happen to make your goal a reality. This is a practice which gets stuff out of your head and into reality. It means that you are constantly working on the next steps.
TRISH HALPIN
Life is full of endings and beginnings, as we move from one chapter to another, leaving our teen, twenty or thirty something selves behind, there is the promise of something bigger, better or more exciting on the next horizon. Unless, that is, you happen to be a woman and that horizon is your midlife years. For too long, society has conditioned us to believe that hitting the end of our fourth decade and entering our fifth was only a time of loss - not just of our fertility, but our visibility and our value too - with no promise of an exciting new road ahead. But Lorraine and I are here to tell you that this is simply not true.
Yes there might be a bumpy patch or two heading into and out the other side of menopause; family life can get more complicated with hormonal teens, empty nest, relationship breakdowns or caring for elderly relatives. Careers can falter or become even more consuming too, but something else happens as well: the changes we experience - physical, hormonal, emotional, spiritual - can make space for a new found energy, clarity and focus, giving us the potential to live life on our terms and to hell with society’s expectations. Ladies, welcome to your Power Years.
At 58, I can honestly say I feel happier, stronger, more confident and comfortable in my own skin than I ever did before. Having been a lifelong people pleaser, I no longer give a stuff about things that would have left me fretting for days a decade ago and goodness it’s liberating. Back then, my career in magazine publishing had culminated in roles as editor-in-chief of glossies such as Red, InStyle and Marie Claire. While on paper that might read like a power trip - and yes they were exciting, creative and hugely rewarding jobs - I didn’t feel powerful during that time, because I didn’t feel I had control of my life or where it was heading. In fact, I mostly felt stressed and overwhelmed, eager to please, never good enough and always questioning my right to be in the editor’s seat at all (not to mention the mum guilt, but that’s another story).
When I left the business in 2019 and started the Postcards from Midlife podcast with Lorraine, we wanted to talk about why so many other women we knew felt like this, and why were none of us talking about what was happening physically and emotionally at this lifestage? So we invited midlife celebrities, business powerhouses, politicians, health and wellbeing experts onto the show to open up about their own experiences and share what they had learned and offer expert advice too. Six years and seven million downloads later, the conversation has finally started to become mainstream and women in their 40s, 50s and sixties are no longer prepared to fade quietly into the background - we are taking front and centre stage because we are in our prime.
Here are a few of the things I’ve learned and the questions I wished someone older and wiser had asked me that have helped me to live, work and thrive in my Power Years…
1. Are you OK - really? Peri-menopause may creep up slowly, or land like a sledge hammer. Every woman will have a different experience, but if you don’t feel like yourself, something just isn’t right, you have unusual or unexpected physical and mental symptoms, please see your GP. Understanding what’s happening and getting the right help for you is a game changer (I will sing about the wonder of HRT from the rooftops, but that is a very personal choice).
2. What does success look like to you? It might be continuing on your current career trajectory, but if you put a lot of pressure on yourself to be successful without actually thinking what success really means to you, you can end up trapped on a conveyor belt you have no idea how to get off. Life has a habit of derailing us when we least expect it, the trick is to look at where the opportunity lies.
3. Who are you really? Our identity isn’t our job title or role as a mother, a partner or a wife: it’s easy to get consumed by labels. Asking yourself ‘Who Am I’, is a difficult question, but an interesting one to explore - instead of starting with labels, think about your values, your passions, your skills, your personality. So if you look in the mirror one day and feel you have no clue who you are, how you got here or what you really want, this is a good place to start.
4. What is the value of your ‘yes’, if you never say ‘no’? Everyone is familiar with the myth that we women are brilliant at multi-tasking, right? OK, yes, we generally are, but it takes its toll on our physical and mental wellbeing. Letting go of perfection, learning to pick your battles (especially if you’re living with teenagers!) is a must. We don’t need perfect, good enough is more than OK.
5. What do you need to thrive? Most of us spend our time putting others' needs before our own - our families, friends, colleagues - and many of us don't even consider our own wants and desires in the equation. Looking after yourself physically - eating well, making time for regular exercise, getting good quality sleep - are the foundations of the Power Years. Remember, there is no shame in being at the top of your to do list.