While we are often told that ambition is empowering and healthy, that’s not always the full story when it comes to actually achieving our goals. Experts say that for women, there's a “penalty” we pay by pushing ourselves towards our goals in the workplace.

Research has found that women approach their careers with the same level of ambition as men, sometimes higher. However, when they actively pursue high-level, powerful positions in the workplace they are more likely to face a decrease in likeability than if the roles were assigned to them arbitrarily, according to another study. Basically, this means women face being penalised for going after what they want at work, leading to them feeling less confident about achieving their goals – whether that’s getting promoted or a pay rise – than men.

Personal finance expert and author Stefanie OConnell Rodriguez coined the term “ambition penalty”, explaining that it comes down to an unequal power dynamic. “Defying these social and cultural norms that dictate who should have power (basically, cis, straight, able-bodied white men) and who shouldn’t (everyone else) carries penalties that range from being labelled ‘unlikable' to being denied job and leadership opportunities,” she says, adding that this penalty can lead to women feeling shame and discomfort around their own ambition.

As a 31-year-old woman, I’ve often felt uncomfortable discussing and making defined goals to meet my ambitions. In conversation and in practice, it has felt more comfortable to dilute it down, or be vague about where I’d like to take my work, so as not to come across as “aggressive” or the archetype of the “heartless career woman” that is never ever applied to my male counterparts.

On top of holding women back from achieving their goals, the effort required by myself and others to navigate the ambition penalty is leading us towards an inevitable state of burnout. Psychology expert and life coach Bayu Prihandito insists this is due to “the pressure of constantly having to prove themselves” as well as elements of “emotional labour” expected from women in the workplace and private sphere also contributing to feelings of exhaustion.

So, it is crucial that we work out how we can reclaim our ambition and goals in a more empowering way. “Understanding our own ambition and our relationship to it can help us better understand that women’s ambition isn’t the problem,” Stefanie says. “The problem is what our culture does to ambitious women.”

For Stefanie, one of the most important things we can do to overcome and reframe these issues is to speak out about them. “We need to name and expose the ambition penalty and the microaggressions women and other marginalised professionals still face in the modern workplace,” she says. “It’s important to turn our focus outward to the environments where we express our ambitions, identifying and cultivating places where our ambitions can be expressed and supported, instead of undermined and penalised.”

Bayu echoes this notion, adding that having open and honest conversations about biases and structural barriers is the first step towards making broader, meaningful change. “We can advocate for more transparency in pay and promotion processes,” he suggests, adding that mentorship also can provide much needed support and advice when we feel unsure about how best to progress in our careers.

Stefanie agrees that building community in the workplace is also paramount in relieving the impact of the ambition penalty, and recommends finding ways to offer “a safe space to share information that might not feel welcome or head in traditional networking circles”.

“A big part of making ambition sustainable is being valued for the skills and qualities you experience and value in yourself, so having environments that do that is essential.” Bayu also encourages focusing on a more holistic idea of success. “Consider success not just in career terms but also in personal development, relationships and wellbeing,” he says, advising that we view our goals and ambitions according to our values and desires, “not just blindly based on societal expectations”. While striving to achieve our career goals is important, he stresses that finding boundaries between your professional and personal life and prioritising physical and mental health is equally as crucial.

As a freelance lifestyle and culture journalist, so much of what I love and care about creeps from my working day into my own private leisure time – whether it’s my passion for a film or a new TV show or my thoughts around a new dating trend. But in order for my ambitions to not burn me out, I understand that it’s crucial to apply boundaries and ensure that there are aims and goals that exist outside of my professional life, to nurture my personal hopes and dreams.