Welcome to Ask Skyla, AllBright's advice column giving you the chance to ask the hard questions about careers.
Whether you've got a tricky HR situation, need some direction, or are angling for a raise, our resident career coach Skyla Grayce is here to help.
This week, Skyla helps a confused new mum clarify how to plan her next career move...
Hi Skyla,
I’m feeling lost/confused in my career and I’m struggling to decide on my next move as I feel a huge amount of pressure to make the “right” career decision.
After 15 years working in the retail industry across roles within buying, product development and range management I no longer have the same excitement or passion for what I do. This could in some part be a result of becoming a mum and discovering that my priorities have changed. I desperately want to find a job that gives me satisfaction and excites me however I don’t know where to begin! I know I have lots of transferable skills but rather than this helping me to find my next role I feel like the options for my next role are endless. I do have concerns that my need to work part time will limit the opportunities available to me.
Hoping you can help me navigate my next move.
Dear ‘feeling lost and confused in my career’,
I want to begin by giving you full permission to feel lost. Sit down, make a cup of tea and be fully lost. Write it on a piece of paper. I am lost.
The struggle of trying to figure out your ‘right’ next move will likely be making you feel exhausted. Let’s remove a little pressure here and give you some space to breathe. For when we are trying so hard to get it right it can actually stop us in our tracks and prevent us from taking any action at all.
I must tell you immediately that there is no ‘right’ career move. You may understand this intellectually, but feel this. Really allow that truth to drop in as you read this. You can not get this ‘right’ and by the same token you can not get this ‘wrong’. Relieved? I am.
There will however be a feeling of right-ness to the next decision you make in your career and that right-ness will be found tucked within an inner knowing. I encourage you to begin to listen to yourself and get really honest.
When we are focused on getting it ‘right’ you can be sure that you have a relationship with what it means to get it ‘wrong’. Check-in with how mistakes make you feel in general. Start by noticing the small things in your everyday. Can you allow yourself to get it wrong? My sense is that this is tricky for you. I could also be wrong about that, only you will know.
This can also suggest that you may have an adversity to failure. Or have built an idea about what it means for you to fail. Perhaps you think you are failing somehow by feeling confused about your next step, or maybe you have judged yourself for failing in the past. When this is present within us we can project an imagined future of failing again and again. If this resonates at all, sit with it. Drop all projected outcomes and all that has been your career experience in the past. What's been has been. You now decide the career story you will take as you step forward into the next stage of your career journey.
You are not the same person as you were before you became a mother. As you write in your letter, your priorities have changed. Your focus is different, your heart is in a new place. The old 'career' world might seem rather alien, to begin with. It is therefore important to acknowledge any discomfort as you step towards it and be with the vulnerability of returning to work. Fear not, your confidence will grow as you get back out there and having a little patience with yourself can really help.
You see, when we are on the brink of a pivot in our career it is vital that we get clear on what we want. Do you know what you want? You say you don’t know where to begin. I invite you to begin here.
What do you want? Be ok with letting go of any previous goals, career dreams or visions and connect to what is alive in you now. Allow yourself to make space for the new-ness in you.
Go grab a pen and paper and list this out. All of it. Be specific.
- Your ideal day/week: Flexible hours, 3 days a week, working from home
Flexible working / part-time / 4/3 days a week is possible. Do not let the ‘what if’ or any assumptions you may have about this stop you from applying for what you want and negotiating your needs when you are offered a job. Being transparent through the interview process and being honest about your capacity and how you will manage this is key and owning your priorities is vital when building the foundations of a new working relationship.
- How it makes you feel to work there? (Company culture, type of boss, team, environment.)
- Who is on your team? (Are you left to it, encouraged, given autonomy?)
- What industry you are in, what kind of work do you do?
(Of course, you can do everything. I am sure you are a very capable woman with what you share as 15 years of experience. That doesn’t mean you have to or need to apply for everything and anything. Just because you can doesn’t mean it will excite or fulfil you.)
- Which of your transferable skills do you get to use? (Name them)
- How much money do you want to make?(Write down the figure you think you can get and then write down the figure you want.)
- What package if any you need to go with this? (Outline the benefits, pension etc.)
This is how you get to build your career vision. Piece by piece and unique to you and your needs. You start by getting clear. It is only then that you get to map out your path to achieving this. You have to start by illuminating as many options as possible and get granular. If it helps, you can begin by writing down everything you know you don't want to do. Often we are far more equipped to share what hasn't worked for us, what we hate doing and what we would rather someone else did. It's harder sometimes to name what has been enjoyable, and yet if you can name those experiences, do. All this information will support you. Your vision for your workday has to integrate with your family's priorities in order for this change to be sustainable for you and the company that is hiring you. Please don’t try to hide any aspect of who you are or squeeze yourself into what was possible for you before you became a mum. It won’t work.
To own the ideal scenario for you and your family will allow you to rest into your most reliable self and support you to take full responsibility for both your desire to work and the needs of your family and not let that compromise either your motherhood or the business you choose to work for. It gives you space to be excited about what it could mean to get back into employment.
It can feel extremely challenging to do this exercise as you will need to face the part of your mind that says that having your needs met as a working mother is not possible.I promise you that with the right company, your desired job scenario is completely possible. And it starts with you owning what it is you want and getting comfortable with saying that out loud. Find a friend to who you can read this list and ask them only to listen. No unsolicited advice is requested here, thank you!Let go of predicting whether or not your ideal list for your new career direction is possible. Of course, you might not get it all when negotiating but you will inevitably get far closer to your dream job if you are clear on what that looks like from the offset. Take back control of this choice and really own it, choose it and enjoy the process of discovering what it is you want your pivot to look like.
Yes, it's scary, but getting curious about your new career vision will liberate you and gift you with a clear career direction. A direction you can communicate with others, enabling you to get creative as you reach out to your network and open yourself up to new opportunities.
The question is can you allow yourself to connect to what it is you really want?
Warmest,
Skyla Grayce
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