With a recent AllBright social survey showing that a huge 91% of us have witnessed bad behaviour at work - but with only 42% of us feeling comfortable enough to call it out - standing up for what you believe in can be (understandably) difficult to do. With our community giving us feedback of not being taken seriously at work, issues being left unresolved and even fear of being pushed out of a role, it's not hard to see why we might be deterred from speaking up. But this is how you get better at it – without feeling like the office troublemaker.

I remember driving to a meeting with my boss when I was in college, and having trouble finding a parking place. He drove around for a bit, but we were late by this point, so then he pulled into a disabled parking space. We got out of the car and he turned to me, grinned and started limping. I said nothing.   My failure to call out my boss is hardly unique. When asked, many people will say that they think they would have the courage to confront bad behaviour. But in reality, most of us fail to act when we are actually confronted by such a situation. Will speaking up cost me a promotion? A raise? Will I lose my job, get a reputation as a troublemaker, or be excluded from social invitations?  But here’s the good news: there are strategies we can all use to call out bad behaviour. We don’t have to stay silent.   

First, we need specific skills so that we won’t feel too confrontational. One big fear most of us have is feeling awkward or uncomfortable; we don’t want to make a scene or be embarrassed. Simple strategies for stepping up can help, even among those of us who don’t naturally feel confident in doing so.   How? Find a short and clear way of expressing concern or disapproval. This doesn’t get you embroiled in a lengthy “teachable moment” or humiliate the other person. It simply identifies – for the person engaging in the behaviour, but also for those observing it – that the comment or action isn’t OK.   One study examining responses to homophobic comments in the workplace found that the most effective type of confrontation was calm but direct: “Hey, that’s not cool.” A similar approach could be used for almost any type of harmful behaviour, from calling out someone for using offensive language to intervening when a colleague is rude to a co-worker. Openly expressing disapproval clearly communicates what isn’t acceptable – an essential first step in creating new social norms.

Another option is to assume that the comment is sarcastic, and to identify it as such. You could respond to a sexist comment about the hazards of electing a woman by saying, “I know you’re just trying to be funny, but some people really do think that women are too emotional to be president!” This clarifies that you disagree with the comment – both to the person who said it and to others – but it doesn’t make the person who made the remark appear stupid or bad.   Yet another approach is to make the discomfort about you, not them. This reduces the risk that you will make the person feel bad or defensive, but it also clearly indicates that their comment or behaviour was wrong. One way of doing this is to reveal a personal connection to explain your reaction. You could say, “I was raised in the Catholic church so that comment is hard for me to hear,” or, “A close friend of mine was sexually assaulted in high school, so jokes about rape make me uncomfortable.”  Learning different techniques for confronting bias or unethical behaviour can make a difference, but it’s not enough to learn skills and strategies: it’s essential to practise using them. Actively playing out different types of responses to offensive remarks helps reduce inhibitions and makes responding feel more normal. It also increases our confidence that we can intervene in a real-world situation. This is why the most effective programmes for helping bystanders speak up – in schools, universities and the workplace – not only provide training on how to handle difficult situations, but also give people opportunities to practise these skills by roleplaying various scenarios. 

What else helps us call out problematic behaviour? Find a friend who shares your concern. Doug McAdam, a sociologist at Stanford University, found that the best predictor of who will find a way to challenge prevailing social norms – sometimes at great personal risk – is if you don’t have to do so alone. The downfall of Theranos, a Silicon Valley start-up that made fraudulent claims about blood testing, started when two employees together spoke out about their concerns, even though they knew they would face potentially lasting personal and professional repercussions. For those of us who aren’t naturally courageous, an essential step towards giving us the ability to speak up is to find a friend to stand by our side.  

What led her to speak up? For Bolkovac, a mother of three, one factor was the personal connection she felt to the girls who were being abused. As she told National Public Radio in the US, “I’d be lying if I said there certainly weren’t moments when the children – my own girls – were going through my mind.” Speaking up – and risking the consequences – can be far easier if you can see the world from someone else’s perspective. Some people may naturally and easily be able to see the world through someone else’s eyes, but we can all learn to be more empathic by deliberately expending the time and energy to do so. After all, if you were being bullied or sexually assaulted, wouldn’t you want someone,  anyone , to stand up and help you? We can all learn to speak up in the face of bad behaviour. And if enough of us choose to do so, we can change the culture to one of courage and action instead of silence and inaction. What would it take to create a culture in which we are expected to act when we hear offensive language, witness sexual misconduct or see workplace fraud? Sometimes just a single voice can be enough, when that one person gives others the courage to speak up.  

Four Strategies You Can Use To Speak Up Effectively

Learn Simple Skills  Call out about offensive language clearly and succinctly. Identify inappropriate comments as though they were sarcastic, to signal your disapproval without making the person who said them appear stupid or bad. And own your concern: make it about you, not them.  Practise, Practise, Practise  Actively playing out different responses to offensive remarks or problematic behaviour helps makes it feel more normal. It also increases your confidence so that you can intervene in a real-world situation.     Find A Friend Speaking up is easier if you don’t have to stand alone. Find an ally who shares your concern, and take action together.     Foster Empathy Try to see the world from someone else’s perspective – and remember that empathy can be developed.

The Bystander Effect: The Psychology of Courage and Inaction   (£20, William Collins), by Catherine A Sanderson, PhD, is out now

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