At the end of every day, there’s one thing I crave (apart from dessert, obviously): silence. Whether it’s my email pinging at me or my three year old’s constant chatter underscoring my day, the phone ringing, the washing machine churning, the baby crying, the sound of ABC Kids washing through my brain as I respond to Instagram comments and reply to messages, accidentally typing “Big Ted” when I mean “big project” - I have never felt less lonely in my life.

Right? At any given moment I have 10 conversations in the palm of my hand, another 50 threads lighting up my laptop. Family and friends are a phone call away. My kids are never more than about 3 millimetres away (even in the bathroom). And even in lockdown, technology gave me access to a Facetime and Zoom themed social life, date nights at home thanks to the wonders of home delivery and subscription cocktail boxes (it’s a thing). So loneliness? It’s not on my radar.

But according to Maggie Hamilton, author of the newly-released When We Become Strangers: How loneliness leaks into our lives, and what we can do about it - nothing could be further from the truth. Her research started in a pre-pandemic world, when she noticed lots of little “patterns we’ve become accustomed to, which fracture any hope of closeness.” Although we’re more connected than ever, she realised, “our high-tech world is wonderful in many ways. But it’s also harder now to sort through and retain information. Even our communications are ‘flattened’, so many of us are operating in a constant fog, not necessarily sure why we do what we do." The result is a society in which many of us experience loneliness, without realising that’s what it is. We might feel misunderstood or underappreciated, when what we actually lack is connection. Connection to each other, and to the world around us. “As sensory beings we need to touch, taste, hear, smell and see the world around us to feel fully alive”, explains Maggie. “That's why nature offers so many solutions...just a 90 second glance at nature resets our tired brain - and those in hospital with a nature outlook recover faster, and experience less pain, than those who have no access to nature during their recuperation.” While the diagnosis might seem bleak, ultimately When We Become Strangers offers a message of hope. “Covid has given us the chance to pause and reset”, Maggie tells us. “It’s up to each of us to contribute to a better future, and luckily the solutions aren’t that hard.” We speak to the acclaimed author about just what those solutions are, and you might want to put the phones away at the dinner table...

I imagine work on this book began long before lockdown became a global phenomenon. Before Covid, why was loneliness a topic you felt needed addressing?

I started the book some time before the pandemic, after noticing lots of little (unhelpful) habits we’ve fallen into. Nothing dramatic - just patterns we’ve become accustomed to, which fracture any hope of closeness. And when you put together all these tiny habits at home and at work, in parenting and friendships, on and offline, you see how they're taking us places we hadn’t planned to be. The end result? A lot of us feeling misunderstood and/or isolated, in spite of all the dazzling things we're up to.

We're more connected than ever via social media, email, and iPhones​. Why do you think loneliness is such a sweeping issue despite this?

 I guess it comes down to meaningful connection - feeling truly seen and heard. Our high-tech world is wonderful in many ways. But it’s also harder now to sort through and retain information. Even our communications are ‘flattened’, so many of us are operating in a constant fog, not necessarily sure why we do what we do.

What have we lost in terms of our sense of community? And how can we get it back?

Community is about shared space. At its best, it's about nurturing and supporting each other, about celebration too. Accept we’re all different and annoying at times, then find effortless ways to support each other - help with an occasional grocery run; sharing leftovers with singles and the elderly close by; organising impromptu food and plant swaps; making an effort to say hello, to engage; and getting together - encourage everyone to contribute by bringing something to eat, so the focus is on connecting, not on creating the next fab, soon forgotten, Insta pics.

What do you think is the most powerful thing we can do to reconnect?

Let go of our need for perfect. Go for spontaneous and joyous instead. We’re all too busy making a statement about everything we do, only to find all this effort delivers little joy.

What are our kids missing? Is it more physical touch, conversation, regular contact with extended family?

Our kids are missing out on touch and being held; on family conversation around shared meals; the joy of extended family living close by; getting to tell or withhold their own story as they grow, as so much of their lives are already out there on social media; and hearing family stories/history, which helps them work out who they are and why.

Was there anything you discovered while writing this book that surprised you?

I hadn’t realised just how much our biology impacts us - that as sensory beings we need to touch, taste, hear, smell and see the world around us to feel fully alive. That's why nature offers so many solutions. Who’d have thought just a 90 second glance at nature resets our tired brain - and that those in hospital with a nature outlook recover faster and experience less pain, than those who have no access to nature during their recuperation.

What's your own experience with loneliness?

I used to think loneliness was being around those who were different from me. Now I’ve come to understand the joy of exploring and celebrating difference. That way I don’t end up with more of the same.

How has covid affected all of this? Do you think in some ways the collective experience has united us all?

Covid exposed the cracks in how we were operating - but it points the way forward too. We suddenly realise how much we need each other, how important hugs and laughter and shared experiences are. It also gives us the chance to recalibrate our working lives. We’ve lost a real sense of connection and appreciation at work - we need to get this back.

What's your quick-fix to combat loneliness?

Connection is almost like a muscle - it needs a workout. Start with simple ways to connect:

* regular coffee catch-ups with friends.

* get to know those in shops you frequent - their name and a little bit about them.

* join a group who shares your passions - the Danes are one of the happiest nations on earth, and most Danes have up to five interest groups they belong to.

What's your hope for the future of modern society?

Every generation has its challenges. Covid has given us the chance to pause and reset. It’s up to each of us to contribute to a better future, and luckily the solutions aren’t that hard.