“There's one in 400 trillion chances that you were born”, says Melissa Ambrosini – “that is a huge miracle”. That huge miracle forms the basis of the author, speaker, wellness entrepreneur and self-love queen’s new book, Comparisonitis. Here, we find out more about what exactly comparisonitis is, and more importantly, how to conquer it.

“When you remember that you are a miracle, you're here because you matter and that you are unique and you are so special just as you are, you don't need to compare yourself anymore”, Melissa Ambrosini explains. And she’s well-placed to talk about comparison. Treading the boards in Paris as a Moulin Rouge dancer, she spent her early twenties in a pit of comparison that saw her plummet to - in her own words - rock bottom. So what turned her around from “do I have to get out of bed?” to living in what she calls ‘true alignment with her highest self’?

“This book is about really radical self-love”, she explains. “I have so many power strategies that you can implement into your life. When I don't honor my own boundaries, that's when I could start to slide into that Comparisonitis spiral.” During our event with Melissa (and if you missed it, catch up on it through our on demand events archive) she shared everything from how to set those healthy boundaries, how to have a good relationship with social media, to the big one - how to say no.

Buy 'Comparisonitis: How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others and Be Genuinely Happy' here

Melissa Ambrosini

1. She suffered from depression, anxiety and an eating disorder back in 2010

A lot of people are suffering silently, which is just not ideal. I want people suffering to know that there is support out there, and it's not shameful to ask for help. It really isn't. It's actually a sign of courage and bravery to put your hand up and say, "I'm suffering." And if that is you, then just put your hand up and reach out because that support is there.

I remember this one particular moment at my absolute rock bottom. I was living with one of my friend's sisters in her lounge room on a fold-out single hospital bed, out of my suitcase. I had no job, barely any friends and I had just moved back from living in London for two years. I remember just not wanting to wake up and not wanting to do anything and just feeling so down and depressed. Every day I'd wake up and I'd cry. I’d pull the covers over my head and think, 'do I have to get out of bed?' And I didn't, I spent a lot of time in bed just feeling very unhappy.

I remember there was one conversation that I had with a girlfriend who I went to school with, who I am still friends with. She called me and she said, "What are you doing?" And I was like, "Oh, I'm just laying in bed." It was probably 11:30am on a Wednesday. She was like, "Get up and go to the doctor." Here in Australia you can get sessions to go see therapists. I got six sessions to go and see a therapist from my doctor and she put me on antidepressants. 

2. Making real meaningful change in your life is a life-long journey

I'm still making meaningful changes in my life. I'm still on this journey. I think that's something that we all need to remember – you don't get to a point where you're done with working on yourself. That's what we're here for on this earth – to evolve and to grow. There's never a point where you're like, "I'm done, I'm enlightened, I can move on with my life now." We need to remember that. I'm always growing, I'm always evolving, I'm always going deeper, I'm always learning more about myself. There are always more layers to peel back. 

3. Her new book Comparisonitis looks at the way in which we measure our worth through comparing ourselves to others

We have always compared ourselves to others, back since we were cave men and women. However, it has become toxic because of what we're exposed to now in our everyday life. We are exposed to more information now in one day than what people were exposed to in entire lifetimes only 50 years ago. There's so much input, there's so much going in with our devices. So we have always compared, but maybe in a healthier way. Back when we were cave men and women, we would compare, but it's become toxic now because of our culture. And we need to do something about it. The reason is because you can see that anxiety rates are rising, depression rates are rising, panic attacks, all sorts of things. And worst of all is suicide rates are increasing. A couple of years ago, I lost one of my best friends to suicide. I just wonder what would have happened if she had a way of really knowing this information back when she was suffering with depression and anxiety and all of those things. 

You don't need to compare yourself to anyone else because you are a miracle. The truth is, there's one in 400 trillion chances that you were born – that is a huge miracle. When you remember that you are a miracle, you're here because you matter and that you are unique and you are so special just as you are, you don't need to compare yourself anymore. 

This book is about really radical self-love. It's about how to stop comparing yourself so that you can find inner peace and contentment and happiness. I give you so many tools around social media and boundaries and things like that. 

4. When it comes to social media, she incorporates power strategies

I have so many power strategies that you can implement into your life. When I don't honour my own boundaries, that's when I could start to slide into that comparisonitis spiral. I don't touch my phone until I've done my morning routine. I don't open social media until I've done all of my MITs (my most important tasks). 

Another thing that you need to remember is that social media is people's highlight reels. I think we all know that, I'm sure everyone's heard of that before but do you really remember that? And are you reminding yourself of that before you open it? This is their highlight reel, this is people's portfolios. If you're an artist or if you're an influencer on social media, that's your portfolio, that's your resume.

Another power strategy is to set your intention before you actually open the apps. 

So for me, I will say to myself, what is my intention? And my intention is to post this image with this caption, then I'm going to check my DMS and then I'm going to respond to comments and then I'm going to get off. And I'm going to give myself 20 minutes to do that. Having a clear intention of what it is that you're doing will really help you stop sliding into that comparisonitis trap and help you stay on your path. 

5. Her whole day is about self-love

Everything I do in my day is about self-love. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to bed, everything I do is for self-love. The foods I eat, the people I surround myself with, what media I choose to listen to and watch, everything is self-love. You can either do a self-loving act or you can self-sabotage. Is the media that you're watching, whether it's TV or social media, is it from a place of love or is it from a place of sabotage? 

6. You can heal your headspace with simple everyday choices

Whatever happens to us in our life's journey, we're getting programmed, we're getting conditioned and we set these neural pathways. Then you maybe have a realisation, or maybe you have a rock bottom moment like I did. Then you might realise that the way you’re living is not in alignment with your higher self anymore. I want to change that and these headspace healers are a great way to do that. The first one is to live vibrationally, and what I mean by that is basically everything is energy, this computer in front of me, this microphone, everything is energy and everything vibrates at either a high vibration or a low vibration. Violence on TV, aggression, guns, fighting, blood, all of that stuff that's very low vibration and that's going to potentially make you feel low.

And then there's people in our lives that might be really negative. And this isn't about dumping friends or getting rid of people. It's just about awareness, start to become aware of where you're spending your time and your energy. How you feel when you're in those experiences with those people. So it's just something to be mindful of, start to live vibrationally, live high vibrationally and watch what happens. And when you start to vibrate at a high frequency, you become a magnet for more of those experiences in your life. It's literally magic. It's so beautiful. 

7. Why you need to stop thinking about chocolate cake and start thinking about candles (trust us!)

Visualise that you have the most delicious gluten-free sugar-free chocolate pie with raspberries on top or something like that. And the pie perspective is someone who thinks, okay, if someone else has a piece of my pie, ‘Oh my gosh, there's no more pie for me, there's less pie for me’, that scarcity mindset. There's not enough pie to go around. ‘Oh, they're going to take some of my pie, which therefore means I'm lacking. I don't have as much’. Candle consciousness is where if you visualise yourself in a dark room and you've got a candle and then your friend walks in and they light their candle off your candle, your light didn't diminish, there's only more light in the room now that there's two candles that are lit.

If someone else comes in, you can light that off your candle. Again, yours hasn't diminished at all. It's just brought more light into the room. We want to live from that candle consciousness, that abundance mindset, that there is enough to go around. So that's another headspace healer that when you embody your life will radically change, that whole there's enough to go around. I don't have to hold on to every piece of pie. I don't have to have every piece of pie to myself. There's enough that can go around and feed everybody.

8. Setting healthy boundaries is vital to living in alignment with your highest self

We need to set some healthy boundaries. You absolutely do not have to put yourself in the firing line of someone who is aggressive, abusive or very negative towards you. If that doesn't feel good and true for you, you can offer support and then put a healthy boundary up as well. I talk a lot about healthy boundaries in the book because they're so important.

I know for us women, we come from a long line of people pleasers and we don't want to rock the boat and we don't want to upset anybody. So we just say yes to everybody. We put up with crap, we put up with being treated like a doormat and that is not okay. That is not living in alignment with your highest self. Put in those healthy boundaries with those relationships that need them. There's definitely people in my life where I've had to do that because their energy is so toxic and so negative that I just cannot expose myself or my family to it. You need to ask yourself, how do I feel when I'm around this person? How do I feel when I'm in this person's presence? It's really important.

There's someone in my life that I love so much who swears so much. I had to have a discussion and say, this is now not just affecting me. Being pregnant you become so intuitive and so sensitive to your surroundings and your energy. I had to have this conversation - a very open, crystal clear communication conversation, where I said, "If you want to be in my daughter's life, I really need you to be mindful of your language. Otherwise, I'm not sure that you can be around her with that language." It's very low vibrational. It's very negative, it's aggressive and it doesn't make me feel good and she feels everything I feel. So if I don't feel good, she's not going to feel good either. Maybe you do need to have some conversations and just set some healthy boundaries and that's okay. You're not a bad person. You're actually honoring yourself by setting them.